russian mafia princesses

petrossian 57th & 7th

it was the best date and the worst food ever.

shorty planned the ultimate vday ever: inside deep throat at loews, followed by dinner at petrossian. russian mafia princesses, body builders, japanese tourists, old wasps with mistresses, all in one room on valentines day in new york city. botox and fake boob city. the cheesiest tongue in cheek date for the cheesiest hallmark holiday.

the room is truly truly hideous, like an upscale ramada inn with nice lighting. sure, we get the bernardaud limoges table setting and the christofle silverware, but it's not so special when the waiters haphazardly place it on the table, so coarsely that it's either strewn diagonally on the tablecloth or tipping off the table and falling into your lap .

i had such high expectations for the meal. i started with a glass of laurent perrier nv champagne and waited for the magic to begin. crusty yeasty roll with frozen butter. tsar royale american caviar with buttered toast points. smoked salmon sampler, with some juicy roe nested on creme fraiche. wild sturgeon with beurre blanc and caviar sauce. glass of moet rose in a fluted glass, followed by dessert.

the dessert was truly inedible. shorty's chocolate bombe was a frozen in the center half sphere sitting on some creme anglais. my strawberry gelee was a pureed jello thing with half a strawberry, served in a martini glass. shorty gave the waiter a fussy german "i am not happy, this is inedible" thing, and the waiter offered us a new dessert which we declined. they brought us some petit fours, but they were heavy and buttery and coarse. the tea was quite good. it was twinings.

2 tables away, a dandy professor with a 3 piece suit and bowtie was dining with his lady, a craggy dyed haired near anorexic woman with full botox lips. while shorty was complaining about his chocolate bombe, the professor began to repeat "where's my caviar crust?" no less than 30 times.